Happy Fucking Birthday To Me

I knew today was going to suck. I knew it last year, which is why I set a reminder in my calendar last year not to celebrate my birthday this year.

Buried Grandmom Anita today. Sad. It makes me sad that I didn’t visit with her more in her later years.  I missed out.  My kids missed out.  Now she’s gone.Image

She died on January 27, so I have no idea who’s brilliant idea it was to bury her on the 11th instead of the 4th or even during the week, but it is just par for the course.

Every year something horrible or annoying or just ugh ruins my birthday.  I end up pissed or depressed more often than not.  Thank God I decided against throwing myself a party; I would have been really pissed.

And then Jay likes to make it about him.  He’s pissed because I don’t want to celebrate.  Who the fuck wants to have a party after burying a loved one?  I know grandmom wouldn’t want me to sit here brooding, but I can’t help it; it makes me sad that I’ll never get to see her again.  And I did give in and let him take me out, but it’s like someone knew I didn’t want to celebrate.  The hotel he wanted to stay at had issues and was overbooked, and Marty wasn’t working which meant we had to pay for drinks.  So we came home.

He started watching The Walking Dead marathon with me and then ditched me for his computer.  Which is fine because I kinda wanted him to leave me the hell alone anyway.  But he made a big deal out of spending time with me even if it was just watching TV, and where is he? Fucking dick.

Whatever.  Don’t think I’ll celebrate next year either.  If I plan something it gets ruined, if I don’t plan something it gets ruined. Can’t win for losing.  So I’ll save my self time and money and just treat my birthday like any other day. BFD.

I sounds like a fucking crybaby but is it too much to ask for a decent birthday?

At least The Walking Dead comes back tomorrow.

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